if i were president....

sometimes i think about how the world would be like if i was president. before the world it combusted due to the fact that i abandoned all politics and spent my days baking muffins and other sweet treats trying to accomplish world peace. before i encouraged everyone to abandon all responsibilities and go on a picnic at the park. maybe i could do some good. {or maybe they'd call in obama ten minutes after i walk into the white house}

friends, sex&thecity, and arrested development would be forced to come back to tv and never ever stop.

i would pull a bp but, but i'd spill happiness everywhere.

i would declare myself queen. complete with a tiara and cape. {people would become afraid of me getting too much power. but i'd just give them a balloon and abolish all laws that dealt with impeachment.}

everyday will be a holiday. national muffin day. michael cera day. pull a george bush color coded system

cars would become obsolete. {kind of an eff you to bp and toyota!} and hot air balloons will be the new mode of transportation!

all the telephone poles and wires will have bunting across them! making the world beautiful one colorful fabric triangle at a time!

danielle and kelly would be forced to leave the real housewives. FOREVERRRAHH.

after that decision, people would be cheering and there would be parades. and then i would be in control of all reality television! 24/7 marathon of old bachelors? i think yes. i think a specific channel dedicated to that. a BACHELOR{ETTE} CHANNEL!!! but i would co own bravo with andy cohen.

i would appoint justin "the biebs" bieber the secretary of defense. he could sing sweet nothings all day long to our enemies. and no one would want fight after a special performance of baby. {complete with a basket of kittens.. HELLO WORLD PEACE!}

if i were president then i would tell you to run to the hills for cover. cause you gotta wonder how the french toast did that happen!

what would you do if you were president?!

sage wisdom thats not so wise.

i recently realized i should probably never be able to give advice. but in case you are a kindred spirit {where a life of mismatched socks, billions of muffins, lots of speeding tickets, a complete absence of money, embarrasment, and straight up procrastination is fine by you} here's my two cents. its wise-lessdom advice that you maybe shouldn't take.

abandon all responsibilities, grab a big gulp, and go to the park.

eat ice cream for dinner.

PROCRASTINATE!

{always}

bowl backwards. bowl with bumpers. bowl with the ramp thats meant for 5 year olds.

don't be afraid to spell words worng.

only take vitamins if they are the flintstone gummy ones.

sing through out the day. in your car. walking to class. on the bike at the gym.

"is she singing baby by justin beiber?"

"yes. yes she is."

use toothpaste as a makeshift acne spot creme.

{and when i say makeshift, i mean always/current shift}

eat peanut butter from the jar. spooned out with your finger.

roll the windows down and shout from your car. while driving. with no hands.

{i know, i know. you are wondering how could i possibly not have my license any more!}

don't brush your hair.

{let the wild rumpusness BE FREE!}

dream about dropping out of school and somehow being on jimmy fallon.

{for who knows what! first person to eat muffins on the moon? mmkay!}

drink a total of 5 cups of tea after 10 pm.

{sleep whaauuut?}

steal borrow the napkins from the cafeteria. along with the napkin holder.

watch modern family instead of taking out the trash.

Phil- "The iPad comes out on my actual birthday. It's like Steve Jobs and God got together to say, "we love you, Phil."

use self tanner when you are paler than than scary girl from the ring.

{and end up with hands oranger than oompa loompas}

when in doubt buy!

{unless its crocs, but especially buy if its a topsy turvy tomato garden- as seen on tv style!}

count a cherry icee as 3 servings a fruit,

{take that food pyramid}