lions, tattoos, and bad songs.. OH MY!

BACHELORETTE RECAP !

dedicated to becca! and her hubs who so wonderfully watches it with her! ain't that grand! {and for all two of the men that read my blog...take note!}

i almost didn't write a recap of this episode due to the fact that my head nearly exploded from all the craziness. i think i was left staring at my tv with the "what just happened??" face ten minutes after it had ended. i mean.... oh. my. gosh. where to begin?

the episode starts off with chris asking "how far would you travel to fall in love?” you know some of the guys were thinking "screw love. I WANNA TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD FOR FREE" i love making fun of everything chris does. because he is truly really is useless! oh chris harrison! {snap frank was looking so fine during this whole part}

forced conversation with make up artist and hair stylist. zzzzz. snore. but i love all the clothes they put her in! and i'm not gonna lie.. i love that sparkley skirt! and i love how allie was not impressed and not surprised by being told she was in the magazine. like "oh daahhhling, please. you'd be lucky to have me in the magazine."

here we go. i mean dang, the crazy came out is kasey tonight! "i really get to show her who i am tonight" yeah you did kasey. and it was not pretty. he might as well be walking ten steps behind her because he has the freaky stalker vibe down. he said he uses the word imaginary to describe her. this is where i pause my dvr and rewind. a whhaaauuutt? ummm huh?? and then says she used to be in a cocoon but now she's expanded into a beautiful butterfly ready for love. i mean you can't make this stuff up. a lifetime movie writer couldn't even write that. and if i wasn't squirming in my seat already from all the awkwardness, kasey made sure to make everyone feel as uncomfortable as possible when he broke out in this little song and dance.

“When I was flying in the helicopter, over this amazing city,

I looked to my left and never saw something so pretty.

At the end of tonight, I’m not just your Average Joe,

But I hope in my hindsight, I’ll see and find a rose.”

the lyrics! the tune! that fact that it was acappella! sweet mother of all painful moments in reality tv, this was priceless! bravo kasey. obviously i was thinking why is this guy on the bachelorette! ?? american idol is where he should be! but enough about his awful singing. to know what allie was thinking at the exact moment isn't very hard to imagine. her nervous laughter, forced smile, and the fact that she says absolutely nothing says it all. BAM. not getting the rose on the date. i mean what else happened from the date. i'm too busy trying to decipher what the heck just happened! when kasey tries to scare allie in the museum i just want to tell him that nothing will ever scare her again because of the trauma she just went through with the singing.

"guard&protect your heart"

"guard&protect your heart"

"guard&protect your heart"

"guard&protect your heart"

"guard&protect your heart"

this is the new "i'm really starting to fall for him/her" of the season. i mean seriously it was said about 50 times in that episode.

singing again? really kasey. allie actually says NOTHING! she hangs her head. slice the air with a knife my goodness. {sidenote. how do these people fall so fast? they've maybe spent two hours total of alone time with allie yet they are all ready to propose. where are these men in the real world? i've never met any of them!}

when i saw that across the building.. the "hi guys. welcome to new york. i've missed all of you." i imagined allie sitting at home, while watching the episode, saying "no i did not say that!" i mean it just sounds so awkward and robotic. oh abc. don't you realize that you have all the men {except frank} already filling the awkward quota for you!

the weatherman says one of my favorite lines of the episode "i think the forecast looks good today" oh snap he is just so witty this guy. not. luckily he gets to go back to his job after this episode and he can stick to making his local community feeling awkward as heck while predicting the weather.

pause. all these guys in these little shorts?? and this is where abc finally gives us a little treat. thanks!

but then they make them all sing and the episode is back on track. and roberto?? really. you know allie slipped the director a twenty to choose him. she just wanted wanted to hang in the air strapped to him. this is now going from a danielle steele novel to a bad fabio butter commercial. i really hope this didn't ruin the lion king for me. i've always wanted to see it on broadway!

oh course allie is feeling sick. she is still recovering from her date with kasey!

chris gets a date cause its his birthday. and allie continues to spread her sickness to all of the guys. and of course he gets a rose, shes doped up on nyquil and its his birthday.

alright, i'm just gonna say what everyone was thinking when we first see kasey with his bandaged wrist. "did he hurt himself" i mean this guy goes to sleep listening to "every breathe you take" by the police and wakes up to clay aiken's "invisible". but lets be honest, at least he didn't get her name in a heart with unicorns and teddy bears around it. and then he shows it to the other guys and says that they love it? i'm sorry kasey but what were you hearing as they all called you crazy and hoped this would get you sent home??

we say goodbye to the weatherman as we quickly forget about him for another man has surpassed his creepiness! and we are left shouting to the high heavens "HOW DID KASEY SURVIVE THAT ROSE CEREMONY??"

this was me after the episode trying to recover from the train wreck that just happened. in all its glory and wonderfulness. and now i'm supposed to wait a week for the the next episode!??

p.s. did you hear kate gosselin is maybe the new bachelorette?? oh my lanta. dear lord of all that is holy please spare the world the pain!

p.s squared. new name for crazy kasey? krasey!